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SPIDIR newsletter 65

Spring/Summer 2005 Issue 65 (Contents)

SPIRITUAL DIRECTION WITH FEW WORDS

by Stuart Donnan (SPIDIR Committee member 2003-5)

Nearly five years ago, just before the final session of her SPIDIR training programme, my wife Beryl suffered a stroke. She had begun work with several clients and these arrangements had to be cancelled. Her main short-term and long-term disabilities have been aphasia (speech difficulty, primarily the variable loss of words) together with inability to read and write. One of her clients said it didn’t matter if she couldn’t speak properly – it was sufficient for her to listen. Although this was kindly meant – and seriously – it didn’t seem practical and in the early days it was beyond her even to consider the idea.

My wife had enjoyed the discussions about various traditions of spirituality covered in the SPIDIR training course. She had for many years been well in tune with contemplative spirituality, and so the idea of quiet musing (one of her words) was both familiar and welcome. However the loss of the ability to read has been a major change to her life and an obstruction to what we could call her spiritual input.

During the Master’s degree in feminist theology which she completed about three years before the stroke my wife had encountered the writings of Roberta Bondi. One of the most poignant events over the past 18 months has been the death of an old friend following which my wife wanted to send a card to his widow. She pointed out on the page of one of Roberta Bondi’s books the words which she wanted to send – even though she couldn’t read them out or say them. The special poignancy of the episode was that the title of the book was ‘Memories of God’. Much of my wife’s spiritual life (for want of a better expression) now depends on memory, and I am inclined to think that this principle applies to me too, perhaps to others – many others – also. She has fundamental memories of the scriptures, especially the Psalms (assisted by earlier familiarity with Jim Cotter’s excellent modern paraphrases). Music is another powerful memory, with the distinction between ‘sacred’ and ‘secular’ of little importance.

Music for meditation has become important (to both of us). We have come to know and love Margaret Rizza’s music through a Christian Meditation group we have joined and which my wife attends enthusiastically. We have both come to perceive the enormous wordiness of regular church services, and both come to feel some regret for how often we ourselves contributed in the past to the volume of words in that context (although we did lead a silent retreat 20 years ago – the pattern is lengthy). I have gone so far (is that the right expression?) as to join The Religious Society of Friends (the Quakers) with its largely silent worship, but my wife prefers to ‘muse’ (her word) alone.

Much of the musing takes place in our living room which overlooks the sea. The beauty and movement and changing light of the waves and the moonlight and the sun and the clouds seem full of meaning and comfort and challenge to her and thus to me. Before the stroke my wife’s view of the Spirit was often expressed in terms of the sea – the albatross riding the waves, the ‘bright wings’ of Gerard Manley Hopkins, and also his ‘heaven haven’. She has been listening recently to TS Eliot reading The Four Quartets, poetry being quite different from novels (or even sermons – horrors!) in terms of listening for a short time, and musing – always musing. She chose the end of East Coker (including ‘The wave cry, the wind cry, the vast waters / Of the petrel and the porpoise’) as her thoughts to send to friends last Christmas with the cards which she can no longer write herself.

Without doubt I have learnt from my wife and from her experiences, and others have been touched, both inside the traditional church and outside. Hers is not a conscious ‘witness’ (horrible word) and until writing this piece I would never have thought of describing her contact with others in terms of ‘spiritual direction’ but this seems an important insight and goes right back to the client I mentioned in my first paragraph above. I began with the idea of her possibly being supported as a ‘client’ – still an important idea – but the life of the spirit is apparently more profound than that.

I conclude with three questions for readers involved (in any way) with ‘spiritual direction’:

• Do you have any experience of speaking to or working with people – younger or older – who have difficulty expressing themselves in words or difficulty with memory?
• Would you be willing to share such experiences either privately with me or in an open discussion?
• Do you have any other experiences of or thoughts about ‘spiritual direction’ with few words?

If you answer ‘Yes’ or ‘Maybe’ to any of these questions, please contact me (details below) so that we might discuss how to share them, possibly within the SPIDIR network.

Stuart Donnan
7 Westgate Street, Southampton SO14 2AY
Tel: 023 80220480
stuart.donnan@manchester.ac.uk

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